Staying Connected to Your Soul and to Others
As the Fall begins, there can be a tendency to hibernate, isolate and disconnect. The need to self-reflect and rejuvenate in one’s solitude can be a very sacred time. However, I’ve noticed sometimes disconnection is fear-based. We fear being rejected and alone. This happens because disconnection from others reflects our disconnection with ourselves. The things that would allow us to connect, may be part of a shadow self we keep locked away because we feel shame or a threat to our identity. Especially in western culture, self-containment is overvalued to the denial of our more vulnerable qualities, such as hurt and sadness. However, a healthy and honest relationship with oneself and one’s world, I believe, involves a balance between connection with self and connection with others. And this involves being willing to be vulnerable and having the courage to sit with the unknown where one is not in complete control. This is why so often it’s an ‘inside job’ in conjunction with positive relationships that facilitates true healing.
I recently published an E-Book on this subject which can be found here.
Is everyone there for us at all times when we need them? Of course not. But is this a reason to shut off our hearts and think that we have to feel alone? The answer is the same. We cannot guarantee things in life. And we have to roll with it when things do not go our way. Does this feel scary and risky? Yes we risk being let down when we put our hearts out there, and we risk being rejected when we assert ourselves. However, I believe that shutting down and closing one’s heart is not a risk but a guarantee of aloneness. We do ourselves a great disfavor by allowing the disenchantment of life to leave us jaded. When find ourselves in a cold, dark attic, we have to let in a little light, even though it may hurt our eyes. Gradually, our eyes become acclimated, and we can allow more and more light in, and appreciate that light for the sustaining effect it can have on our lives in the long-run.
The emptiness or internal angst we face in our aloneness, is not asking to be merely stuffed with the rotation of material and egoistic fillers that temporarily sedate us or give us fleeting satisfaction. What we really seek is to find deep fulfillment and lasting happiness through a sense of our life’s purpose. Why are we here? Who are we apart from our social identity? Who am I among others, and who am I apart from others? Human bonding is very powerful and deeply biological. And when we separate from a close bond, we grieve each other because we are grieving our separation from the Divine. Separation from someone we are close with is painful not because we are weak, but because our longing for unity is so strong. I feel it is important to acknowledge the sacredness of this connection, rather than carelessly and symbolically reject each other. There is a time to shift relationally, and a time to look within ourselves at the spiritual reflection and the lesson. We must reclaim all aspects of the self to trust and be open to this balancing of the inner and outer life.