I recently released a radio show on sensitivity. Sensitive is a loaded word with a lot of stigma, so we focused on finding your strength as a sensitive individual, and finding the gift therein. It can be difficult letting go of other peoples projections, and sensitive people tend to take other people’s baggage on without meaning to. We feel things more acutely. But awareness helps. The awareness of what is yours and what is someone else’s stuff. We can stop letting other people make us doubt ourselves, and learn to let go of the emotional baggage people around us throw at us. There is a lot to learning to recognize manipulations, defenses and projections so that they don’t throw you off-center.
If others don’t understand you, acknowledge you, or respect you, sometimes you just have to walk away from an argument and let it be their problem. It can be easy to fall intoRead More»
With all the stress, busyness and anxiety we run day-to-day, many of us would love to get better sleep. The main complaints I hear in my work as a life coach and hypnotherapist, are not being able to get to sleep and not being able to stay asleep. Sleep is so important to our well-being and influences not only our physical health, but our moods and thought processes. If deprived of enough sleep, a person actually begins to hallucinate. That’s how bad we need it! It’s right up there with food and water.
One person recently told me that because of their insomnia, they felt they were literally becoming a different person. The way they were acting with family and friends didn’t feel like who they were anymore. Lack of sleep can affect your coordination, your memory, your pain levels, and your ability to focus on what’s important in life. Sleep helps us repair ourselves both physically and psychologically.
So here are some useful insights and tips on how to get better sleep.Read More»
When new year hits, motivation is high. You are all excited about your goals and aspirations, what you want to do in 2016, and what you want it to look like. Most likely there are things you want to be different than last year.
But what happens two months later when the initial excitement has worn off? It’s like in any relationship where there’s a honeymoon phase, a challenge phase, and then if you pass that, a real sustaining bond.
Well motivation is based on two things. Pleasure and purpose. Sometimes both.
Pleasure comes and goes with your moods. It’s something we chase because it feels good. But it’s constantly fluctuating based on our fluctuating circumstances, our biology, and what we think we want at any given time. We also develop tolerance with the pleasure principal. You get pleasure from one thing you want, then you want more pleasure, until the ante is up! Then it
takes more to get that same amount of pleasure or next fix. Pretty soon we get bored with the things that used to give us simple pleasure, because we’re so in this constant state of wanting more.
The pleasure principle is really on the surface, and if we based our lives solely on this, we will always be chasing the next fix, and never truly satisfied or fulfilled.
Purpose is different. Being purpose driven has to do with a bigger reason why you’re here, in this lifetime, on this earth. What do you really want to accomplish while you are here? If we look at things that we get in the material world, like the new car or next job promotion, they simply don’t last. Yes it’s great to have nice things, but we can’t ultimately depend on them for our motivation or happiness.
So you may have noticed that spark of motivation you felt at the beginning of the year fading as we get into the next few months of the year. And it’s natural for that initial motivation wane. It doesn’t mean you’re lazy or stupid. All it means is thatRead More»
I was recently reminded of how important it is that we be here for one another, especially as the holidays approach. I have a published Ebook emphasizing the importance of this, as we are getting further and further away from genuine and meaningful connection with one another in our culture.
This is the time to really listen to your heart and that raw authentic and loving self, which can become but a whisper in the face of the bombardment from media and self-help and Internet prescriptions for how to be the best ‘individual’ you can be… without anyone else. The problem, as with any strong influence from a culture, is that we can get further and further away from our True selves and true nature, simply from the brainwashing and repetition. Immersion really does work, for better or worse. And we need to protect not only our minds, but our hearts.
Life can be heartbreaking, and full of loss. And this is a reality in time whether we want to admit it or deny it. At the same time that we don’t want to over focus on the “negative” side of life, falling into denial about it’s existence can have a very suppressive and backfiring effect.
It’s better to acknowledge what is real as you move toward possibility in your life. In this way, we expose the “shadow” part of ourselves to the light, and it is less likely to harbor and disturb your life as it’s gasping to be seen.
In relationships of any kind, but especially family relationships during the holiday season, it can be super important to keep this in mind to avoid escalating family drama and hurtfulness.
It is the time to become patient, honest, and really listen to your loved ones. It is part of human nature to be here for one another. No one can be expected to walk alone. Yet some of the current thinking, that I refer to as the ‘military of self responsibility,’ would have us blaming each other rather than supporting each other. The attitude encourages people to pull out the self responsibility card on someone else, as a way of deflecting seeing what the situation is reflecting about themselves or about a pattern that may be revealing itself through the interaction.
This is not only distorted and unfair, but can be very hurtful to people who have the basic human need to be understood, and feel supported and cared for.
You know how sometimes a parent will tell a childRead More»
We’ve all heard that only a small percentage of communication is verbal and the largest percent is NON-verbal. But in this extroverted culture, we like to talk! We feel good once we’ve said our piece, losing the fact that, whether the person really got our message, is more about HOW we said it and the energy that came through us.
It’s easy to get all heated and fiery when we want to be heard, but sometimes the calm-reflective waters of deep-active listening can give the dynamic just what it needs for a more meaningful conversation. A little compassion and consideration of the other person, can allow love and deep respect to take the place of conflict and bitterness.
Here are 5 key ingredients:
1) REFLECT LIKE WATER. It’s easy to want to jump and get what you want to say in there as fast as you can. But slowing down the pace to be sure you hear the message you’re receiving first by paraphrasing what you heard, can dramatically change your understanding of the situation, and your response. And it’s a way to clear misunderstandings and acknowledge the other person, which changes the entire feeling of the interaction.
2) GET TO THE CORE ISSUE. There is always a core issue behind the surface issue, but often it’s unconscious. We each bring our individual issues into a relationship and project them onto the other person (if we don’t want to own them ourselves). So the answer lies in what does each person really want that they are not getting? What do they need to express that they don’t know how? And what are the hidden feelings behind their defenses that they’re not willing to own? Each person must discover this for themselves, and sensitively reveal it in the relationship if appropriate. It may be that there is a lack of love, communication, or intimacy. And it’s about acknowledging these needs, rather than getting caught up in the details. It helps to listen deeply to each other and express your needs as requests that the other person can choose to consider.
3) REALLY ACKNOWLEDGE THE OTHER PERSON. I find that 9 times out of 10,Read More»